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I have a few conditions, some physical some mental. Having intersecting conditions can make you feel like an absolutely miserable git. After a while I get tired of listening to myself moan. Thankfully, there are some good points to my varying conditions (which include but are not limited to: M.E., FMS, hypermobile joints, chronic anaemia & depression). As such, in the spirit of positivity, I have compiled this list about the good sides of my conditions:

  1. Extreme insomnia means that I can watch a 10 series box set in a week.
  2. The rain never screws up my plans (I never have any!)
  3. Similarly, I never become sunburnt
  4. People always have to come visit me which means I don’t have to fuck around with public transport
  5. I have never had a running, cycling, skateboarding, mountain climbing, skiing etc etc accident
  6. I don’t have to iron (I can’t stand long enough) or vacuum (it makes me breathless)
  7. I don’t have to spend money on going out clothes
  8. I don’t have to worry about what I look like
  9. I don’t have to sit next to overfamiliar people on a bus
  10. I don’t have to spend money on gym membership
  11. Nor have I ever had to buy expensive sports equipment
  12. I don’t get in trouble with the boss for needing time off work (I don’t have a job)
  13. I’m never late for work
  14. I’ve never lost a sports competition
  15. I don’t have to stand for hours queuing for anything, even when well enough to go out I bring my own chair, and it’s got wheels
  16. I don’t have to talk about the Xfactor with annoying colleagues
  17. I don’t have to pay car tax, car insurance, fuel or parking costs (I don’t have a car!)
  18. My postman, take-away delivery guy, Parcelforce dude, Yodel lady, and Tesco driver are lovely people
  19. I can bend my legs around each other like a snake, put my leg over my head, and my thumb flat against my wrist (pointless but it looks cool & you can make people you don’t like nauseous with it)
  20. I can take 18 pills at once, and my back & belly are multi-coloured (also good parlous tricks)
  21. I can fall asleep anywhere, once this happened for the whole duration of a rock concert
  22. Similarly when someone took me to see Terminator 4 a few years back I managed to sleep for the whole, awful, film
  23.  The bags under my eyes are so bad I wouldn’t need camouflage if I went on a reconnaissance mission
  24. The bags under my eyes are so bad I can do an AWESOME impression of Po from Kung Fu Panda
  25. My chances of running into Tories & UKIPpers is significantly reduced
  26. I never have to pay for a round (I don’t go to the pub)
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